Well just have to admit, I am not doing too well at the moment. I got to say that I am feeling less and less confident in my ability to cope with Saturday and Sunday.. I know I ‘should’ be reframing thoughts positively but at the moment, I am on an emotional roller coaster and I fear my defences are down. I feel tired, weak and not up to much.. except a few tears here and there.. I know or rather I can see I am in victim mode at the moment…

Victim mode in terms of change means:

·         Resisting Change

·         Feeling Angry or Depressed

·         Reverting to old ways of doing things

·         Isolating oneself.

·         Failing to ask for help…

Hmmmm

I don’t feel ‘safe’ – thought number 1.

I feel like the light has gone out of my life.

I don’t want to be around people.

I feel like I need to shut down for a while.

I feel like I have a hole from the top of my throat to the sides of my chest to the pit of my stomach.

I don’t think I should be flying when I am in a highly emotional state..

I really don’t want to pike but today it all just seems insurmoutable. I feel like my plug has been pulled and all the light drained out of my life.. I don’t know if getting in a plane or a lift or facing my fears is the best course of action right now.. or is this just a classic form of avoidance. I wish I could speak to Madalyn about this .. I just don’t know where to next except to just take one minute at a time at the moment…I don’t even know why I came to work today… to be honest.. I am a basket case.. usually I am strong and resilient but this has knocked me around.

I will sign off now as I am depressing myself, and the rest of you lot!

N