Podcasts to Flight FAQs

 

http://www.qantas.com.au/travel/airlines/podcasts/global/en

 

 

Tranquilisers...

When I told my friend that I take tranquilizers for my flights, he got very upset because he says that I am not giving myself the opportunity to fly with my fear.... This is where I pulled up the handbrake rather suddenly....Stop the lorry! I explained that this the only way thru for me and it means the difference between freedom or terror for me...

I have discussed this my doctor and given my history of 'asthma' of the nerves I feel this action I take is one that allows me to move through the challenges that getting on a plane presents for me...

I dont believe he understands fully the enormity of what I have achieved - only to say that if you have read my story that you might understand the crap that flies around my head... One day I can say I hope to fly tranquilizer free buy by and large for now I have made my peace with it... It's like living with a disease - as much as I know it will never go away - I know that I no longer resist it... It's there and we are like tired old enemies who just agree to disagree - me in corner and fear in the other with two great big tranquilizer tablets in between... That's what it is... I don't profess to be something I am not... Just acceptance of what it is... And with time perhaps I can also let go of the tranquilizers in flight... I would like too be able to do that and I did do it once
on the the fearless flyers course... Perhaps the journey isn't over yet, perhaps this the next frontier although at this stage, I can't see it happening but then I never saw myself getting on a plane again hey?!

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Claustrophobic

This was the Melbourne flight when I felt claustrophobic and had a panic attack shortly after take off :(

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Reflecting on the journey....

lol! just read the first ever post of this blog... lmfao... such a drama queen but so true to what is going on in my head... when I see planes in the sky... i catch them between my index finger and thumb, and swallow them.... since that November 2008 I have swallowed so many planes... I have a tummy full of planes... you should see it...looks like a junk yard down there...

Follow the light....a sign

Time to return home and write the book

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Another one - tickling the plane

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Sydney Brisbane 02 June 2011

I love this picture - I feel like this is me making friends with the plane like the little girl talking to the lion...

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Grand mal Panic attack - flight back from Melbourne

After catching 6 planes to and from South Africa  who wouldda thought the cougar would make its way out of the cage? ... But perhaps it was related to my state of tiredness and the knowledge that this little cougar couldy escape his cage in a fit of what is classified in psychological term - "spontaneous recovery"... yes folks, sorry, newsflash: it does come back - that's my point - it never goes away - once I accept that then I  realise that I must always be watchful and aware .. Like the cougar picture on this blog page -  - in the voice of the old lady from the - animated cartoon flick Atlantis.. "Always watching Kawalski, always watching"

Understand that when u accept it's always there and that you need to 'cope' with it and know that you must always be ready for when it resurfaces, and then not be afraid but ready to surrender, submit to and just flow - then only will it extinguish and be vanquished, disappearing like a shy turtle head ...

 I have read in Bev Aisbett's books Living with IT, Letting IT Go and Fixing IT - that Panic attack syndrome is an illness, like something that will be there for the rest of one's life due to classic conditioning, observational learning, control issues, trust issues arising from unclear boundaries and lack of life alignment to one's true north - combines that with stimulants and depressants like caffeine and alcohol - plus a monkey mind that let's the kids run the house, guilt, self-criticism and fortune-telling and projection - KABOOM!!!

U go off mentally like a fire-cracker when placed in an airline seat in an enclosed space where u have no control surrounded by strangers who all have their issues too - it's no wonder panic becomes the on default path... This is where I separate matters if this sort into God's business, Other people's business and my business in the words of Byron Katie - this helps me segment what reality I need to deal with and not to worry about what others might do or think...

It frees me to stay in the now and come from a position of nothing. The panic attack hit as we took off.. Outta nowwhere I can tell u - sitting there minding my own business when the amygdala crept out of it's hole and bit my adrenalin gland - my heart took off like an Olympic athlete, my breath shortened and my heart just sank with an 'oh God' Here we go again' ... Seriously, I momentarily admonished myself for placing myself in the position of flying frequently and indulging in this torturous behavior - I drew breath tentatively and felt completely out of control ...light-headed and out of my body - I fumbled for my phone - not caring if the pilot didn't want us to hav electronic devices on during take off - I felt sure I would punch the hostess if she even dared take it off me."This will pass," I thought, "It won't last forever" ...even though each second felt like a lifetime, my fingers shook as they slid across the iphone screen,  I fired up Tetris - a game where blocks of all configurations continuously drop down to be placed in a wall arrangement - I heard myself saying "Here's your opportunity to test Eckhart Tolle's concept of surrender, yes, total surrender....slowly saying the words to myself - "soften..., relax, ....surrender" - I briefly considered myself blessed to have this opportunity of great adversity and courage to practice a deep place of suffering ie terror - gradually, one part of me started to soften which the other part wanted to hare up and down the aisle with flailing hands like woman with hair on fire... from the adrenal overload in my bloodstream - I squeezed my feet and legs together to dissipate the excess energy and slowly it started to recede ...

Mid-flight it was as if nothing had happened - I survived and felt victorious - but very aware that this was always going to be there, that I always have to be mindful and have the tools in my toolbox to dismantle it when it comes ...

Such blessed teaching... but not something I would wish on even my worst enemy...

The Great Trek: BNE-SNG-DUB-DBN-JNB

Posting from South Africa!

 

I have deliberately not written any posts because I have to say that in keeping with remaining in the now and not focusing or projecting to the flight ahead, I have successfully minimized my ‘fear’ and ‘anticipation anxiety’ by at least 50%... I think the residual fear is always there, just that now I have the know how to keep it in check.  Total surrender is the second muscle I have been exercising and haven’t quite perfected yet but it is coming along nicely.  Constantly scanning my body for tension, I am quite surprised at times just how much I store tension and hold my body ‘tight’…

 

I find that when I know I have an imminent flight that I have to book, I tend to put it off until the very last minute.. once I know I have made the booking.. it is like a signal to obsess about how I am going to cope with the flight… this time I reserved booking til the last minute and then switched off any thoughts around what might occur before, during or after the flight.

Kulula airlines in South Africa was an experience!... most unusual… first of all the new uShaka Airport in Durban is so new and so organized, that even when a flight is late, it kinda feels ok… we all lined up along the passage way… and then boarded in order of the ‘left’ and ‘right’ zones of the plane…very well done I thought… we were on the plane in no time, and I didn’t feel my usual claustrophic feelings of being on a small domestic airline plane.   The announcement came over the speakers…. For all of those who find a green dot on their table tray, you have won a free flight valid for 6 months…click, click, click, click  -  intantly 200 table trays dropped open by eager passengers… and I waited for the winning passenger to jump out of their seat but nothing happened… the next announcement was … Ha Ha.. only joking… funny but not so funny hey?

The flights on Ethiad airlines were just superb… the flight from Brizzy to Singapore..well, it was like travelling in a building.. the plane was massive, spacious and so kitted out with the latest technology… we were so busy figuring out the movies and games on their ICE system that we didn’t even notice the plane take off.. it was so graceful and in the air in no time.. I felt so safe and taken care of by the wonderful crew who seemed to float tirelessly up and down the aisle regardless of the time … we caught the 2:30am flight…

Singapore bright and early 8.15am … we had the entire day stretch out in front of us… so we dumped our bags at the Scarlet hotel.. (boutique hotel) and took a browse around Singapore… travelling  with my son Jarrad, is like travelling with a martian… his observations constantly take me by surprise, especially at their ‘freshness’ and lack of any politically correct filters… (and please no offense to my asian friends and colleagues) but I simply have to share this… he said: Mum, everyone looks like fish here….. I was astounded.  Its really made me look again, and to untrained fresh martian eyes… and by JOVE!... I did see where he got the ‘fish’ thing from… I giggled, and then asked God to forgive me straight away for noticing such a distinctive feature that might discriminate against these beautiful people… I believe we are all one, all humans and have different features and characteristics.. heaven help us if we all looked identical.. it would simply be boring wouldn’t it?

 

The flight to Dubai was just as smooth, with hardly any turbulence, and flying during the day I have to say is harder because we constantly felt that we needed to be outside playing… and enjoying the day not wasting it in a flight cabin… the puffy clouds outside, when I did briefly glimpse outside the window, would remind me where we were and I could feel my stomach sink.. it felt like we were in heaven looking for God… and we couldn’t find him lol!  Back to my Tetris and reminding myself that the plane can land at anytime and why would we want to land in a country we weren’t destined for.. that is like stopping a car on the freeway and getting out.. just dumb…. I always feel better after such a rationalization. Back to good old Tetris.. it simply distracts me to the point where I cannot think about anything else except that little blockie that needs to be positioned – I once played 14 hours straight .. so addictive, and being on a plane is just a great excuse more than anything else to get my Tetris fix.

 

Dubai was awesome, the smell of the desert is very powerful for me .. it took me back to my youth, when  I was 20 and travelling in Israel.. I remember the early mornings, and the smell of the sand just has this amazing smell to it that grounds and centres me and makes me feel young again…. I love the Arab world with its customs and dress… it always reminds me that there is always more than one way of skinning a cat and the Western way is not the only way to live life.. I don’t want to get bogged in the ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ of headdress and all the other blah blah that goes with it.. just that I have huge respect for the order they create with their religion and their social organization.  I love the buildings and the way the place just works… stayed with Gavin and his family in Dubai and I must say I felt very very safe there.. within 30 minutes of landing, Jarrad was in the mall with Gavin’s sons watching movies and goofing around in the mall.. while Izel and I ate pizza arab style and Gavin went to work… so easy yet so complicated …

The final leg to SA was looooooooong.. it just seemed the last 3 hours dragged like an elephant leg across the desert… It just seemed to take forever to get to Durban.. I was over the flying caper and wanted off now.. just wanted to see Dad and be done with it… and then we landed.. my heart was at peace and my body was complaining from sitting tight for 9 or so hours… but it was all worth it.. when I saw my dad’s face in the crowd, my heart felt complete again and like the natural order of things had been restored… *tears*… geez I love my dad…

Ready for Blast off!...

Today is Wednesday.. I have ordered the currency, need to check with the travel agent about tickets .. not used to the e-ticket business.. see the doctor to get some tranquilisers... etc... I am in a stage now where I am experiencing waking up with a start.. and feeling like I am a little stressed about the whole thing.. I don't even want to pack because I feel like its real now.. I am going home.. it feels surreal.. its happening at last... i am going home.. it 's like being let out of prison (not that I have first hand experience lol!) but it is the vastness of the space out there that keeps me feeling light, exposed and vulnerable.. I realise this is only my head games, and that I know how to ground myself, put my roots into the ground, and reach for the stars with my energy.. just that it seems like a big wide old world out there.. sjoe!..

I have also been practicing the 'total surrender' and the moment i feel any nervousness, or anxiety, i just 'drop it' with a big old 'let go'.. I have to let go several times before the feeling dissipates and sometimes even have to move my hand to the physical area where it is 'buzzing' or almost paining' and rub it.. it does go away as I realise the only reason why it still exists is because I haven't fully surrendered to the situation.. the surrender is key.. this is the bomb, seriously .. most of the time I would be a basket case by now.. by giving into what is going on ... FULLY .. it  can be quite liberating to just BE with what I am experiencing and then just taking it one moment by one moment and then just stringing those on to a necklace of moments and before i know it I have 'let go' for a whole minute.. sounds like a madman talking I know.. but fear can be a monster, a cougar always watching always waiting... but like my dog, i have to show it who is master.. I know say to myself: The more fearful I become, the calmer I become.. It works for me... and hey.. that's all that matters right now... the Hawaiin philosophy principle: PONO... As long as it works for you ... then do it.. if people think I am 'funny' then so be it.. as long as it works for me..

Take care, out there.... love and light to the world..